Message in the Sky October 16, 2011

by Koen Hamilton on Sunday, August 29, 2010 at 6:45pm

I have been mostly walking/jogging again, and thankfully my stress fracture seems to be fully healed!  I really enjoy my walks because 1)if Mike goes with me I get some time with him….uninterrupted .  or 2)I get some time to myself and I have uninterrupted time to think and meditate on things…although i really need to bring a notebook .  I listen to my music and sing, I try to be quiet cause I dont want to scare anyone. LOL   I often look up as I walk at the sky.  I have always loved the sky and clouds since i was little.  When Mike and I were first married and we would travel home each year, I would watch the clouds for much of the 9 hour drive.

 

Anyway, as I was walking I was looking at the sky.  Ya know, it is never the same.  It is amazing how God who never changes, makes so much that is never the same and so much variety.  One of the reasons I have loved the sky so much is it reminds me of Jesus.  Those clouds that are so bright, pure and majestic white, to me, are a miniscule glimpse of what Jesus will look like since in Revelation it says ‘his head and hair were white (Rev 1:14) and in Rev 22:5 it says that there will be no need for the sun because God will give us the Light.

 

As I am watching these beautiful white clouds, a fast moving dark cloud invaded and blocked the white cloud. This massive white cloud was completely hidden from my view in a matter of seconds by the dark cloud. There was a mixture of dark hues in that cloud.  The darkest section did not reveal any light through it.  There was a lighter gray area in one of the sections of cloud that allowed a hazy shadowed view of light but it wasnt shining through. BUT I knew that above that cloud was that gloriously bright white cloud because I had just seen it standing there.

 

In that moment, God reminded me how there are dark clouds in our life. Some of them come quickly and invade our life without warning, seemingly from out of nowhere.  Other dark clouds creep in and just as well there are some little dark clouds interspersed through our bright (good) days. Those clouds were dark, but the fact remained that there was a bright white cloud standing faithfully abouve that dark cloud.

God was reminding me that no matter how dark our days may be, how long they seem to last…the fact remains that Jesus reigns over all the dark times in our life.  Sometimes we can see Him as if through a blur (of emotion, grief, heartache and pain)but other times it is harder to see Him.  It is in those times we must lean more on our faith, that we know the One who faithfully reigns over us and all in our life, that He cannot be moved, He wont move. He has not forgotten us or forsaken us.  (Hebrews 13:5)

 

As I walked on, I looked up again.  And there, where it hadnt been before, the sun was  shining full force in the midst of the dark and white clouds.  Two things came to my mind as I tried to look up at that blinding light- 1) that God reigns in all of our days, good and bad.  We tend to seek Him harder in the difficult times and struggle more, and then in the good times we, if were honest, dont turn to Him and seek as we should each day, even for the little daily things.  and 2) I believe He put the thought in my head that those white clouds are pretty incredible, but those are just the tastes of heaven He gives us (the blessings, the good days, ..) and the full light of the sun, the blinding  light for me represented what is to come (Jesus).  He has not yet revealed Himself in full yet.  All the beauty and joy that we recieve now from Him is just a taste.

 

Look around you today and look for Him- in the little things and the big.  And if you are in a dark time, remember that there is the Big Cloud reigning above those dark ones.  The dark ones are moving on, they are temporary.  Some move faster than others but they are moving and the Light will come.

 

Be Blessed

Koen

Psalm 63 October 16, 2011

by Koen Hamilton on Friday, December 3, 2010 at 2:10pm

Psalm 63:2 I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory.

Psa 63:3 Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.

Psa 63:4 I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.

Psa 63:5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

Psa 63:6 On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night.

Psa 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

Psa 63:8 My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.

 

It is easy to claim that the love of God is better than life, but when things arent going quit like we would like, when things are difficult, trials come, ….are we satisfied by His love and knowing Him alone?

I will praise Him as long as I live is an unconditional determination, a setting of our will and mind to praise God and who He is in spite of our circumstances.  Is my soul satisfied and do i sing His praise even in the darkest times of my life?

As I lay to sleep, do I ponder His greatness and Sovereignty or do I dwell on the negative possibilities of my situation or whatever struggles i may be dealing with?  God is my help, HE is my refuge, and He has promised to never leave or forsake me.  I WILL cling to Him and He will uphold me.

 

God is our hope in every circumstance of life that we would not chose to be.  Whether that be just hectic chaotic days or tragic and devestating circumstances.  He doesnt change, He is God through it all.  He will walk us through.  We must focus on Him and His character.  We must fight all the temptations to think the worst, doubt, fear, …..with the knowledge that all is filtered through His loving hands and He will work good things out of it all.

 

Trust in Him

Husband and wife part 2 October 16, 2011

by Koen Hamilton on Tuesday, February 1, 2011 at 2:45pm

So the thing God has been showing me the last year is that I need to be completely satisfied in Him.  Sounds elementary- kinda, but not only is He convicting me of that but showing me how I am not being completely satisfied in Him.  So many things we KNOW are easier knowing than DOING.   So often we thing we are doing or living a certain way, but it takes God showing us we aren’t quit where we thought we were.  Humbled again!

 

So pondering on this whole thing about Adam being completely satisfied when it was he and God, and then God giving Adam the gift of Eve is what God used to bring me to this next ‘conclusion’.  I have not been completely satisfied in God because I have so often looked to Mike to meet many of my needs.  Naturally he cant meet all my needs, and often the needs he can meet he doesn’t or  disappoints because he isn’t perfect.  Only God can know all and perfectly meet all my needs.  Many of those He does meet through Mike, but I shouldnt be looking to Mike to meet them.  I shouldnt go to Mike for them, but first to my Father.

In the same way that Adam was satisfied in and with God, and accepted from God the gift of Eve and all she contributed; I need to look to God for all I need and be blessed when God meets those needs through Mike.

 

Expecting Mike to meet my needs in a certain way will only set me up for disappointment.  Looking to God when I have a need, even if i think mike can meet it, looking to God first and trusting Him with it, I wont be disappointed because I will see Him work through Mike to express His love for me.  Then I get double the blessing- God’s love and Mikes love both shown to me.

 

Ephesians 5 speaks of the role of the husband and wife, and their needs.  When each of us is living and loving as Christ- sacrificially, unconditionally, humbly and putting each other first (Phil2:3)  then our needs will be met in the most beautiful and satisfying way.

 

Sounds so simple, huh? lol  Mike and I are both learning new and better ways to communicate and understand our needs.  We have realized a weakness in this area.

 

Reah recently picked up a book at the book store, for children, adn the cover was so cute and pretty.  She said ‘ohh look at this pretty book’.  I told her it was a very pretty book but inside of it was things that werent good.  (it focused on being pretty, fashionable, …)

That was a reminder to me, how we can think because things are good that they dont need improving.  That is where Mike and I have found ourselves.  we use to even talk about how great our marriage was, but we also unaware of how the busyness of life was causing a distance in us.  Thankfully, by God’s grace He allowed us to realize this and work on improving and now we can recognize that, and work to prevent it from happening again.

 

So I guess to sum up the lesson God is teaching me is that I need to be COMPLETELY  satisfied in Him, not look to Mike, but look at Mike as the blessing he is.

Husband and Wife- created for each other October 16, 2011

by Koen Hamilton on Monday, January 31, 2011 at 8:33pm

Recently we were at a conference.  The speaker was talking about how we are created in God’s image and about marriage being God’s plan.  He was speaking about how Adam named the animals and how he must have noticed that there were two of the animals (and their differences) yet one of him.  He began to say how Adam must have been lonely when he realized this.  On this last point I have to disagree. (Not out of disrespect, I GREATLY appreciate the speaker and who he is to us……you know who you are)  But I really began to ponder that thought.  We dont really know what Adam noticed or thought, the Bible doesnt say.  I do know God created us with a brain and wisdom (remember we are created in His image and He is all wise)  So in all likelihood, I would think that Adam did notice.  But I dont thing Adam ever felt lonely.  I believe since God created Adam and his surroundings perfectly, and since Adam walked with God, and was in God’s presence- Adam had to be completely satisfied.  To be lonely, would imply something was lacking, and that his needs werent being met. This time in Adams life was before the fall, so all was perfect.

 

Now God did say before creating Eve that it was not good that man should be alone; but it doesnt say lonely.  The Hebrew word for this word alone means ‘alone, by itself, part, separation, only’.  In simple terms, it wasnt good for man to be by himself, the only one..

 

So why create Eve?  well one of the reasons, Gen 2:18  says to be a helper for Adam

vs 24 says so that they can be one (united through Christ, in Christ and for Christ!)

Gen 1:26, and vs 28 says to subdue the earth, and to be fruitful and multiply.

 

So in this pondering I saw God’s plan for us as wives to be our husbands helper.  What are we to help him with?  To sum it up- to fulfill our purpose in glorifying God, in reflecting His image.  There are multitude of ways that plays out in practicalities, but in essence it is made clear in Ephesians 5. (that is a whole nother note)

 

I also saw how God provides for our needs before we even know we need them.  Adam didnt know he had a need, but God knew that Adam wouldnt be able to do all God had for him alone.  As our speaker said, God gave Adam a gift in giving Eve. God is merciful and gracious, and He takes care of us.

 

God’s gifts are never gifts we want to give back. (sometimes we may feel like it   but in our best interest, that thought shouldnt last long)  All  His gifts always fit us perfectly- our needs, our wants, our personalities,…..sometimes to grow us, challenge us, walk with us, …..

The gift of husband and wife, while the persons may be sinful and imperfect, the gifts of each other from God are perfect.  We need to remember who gave us to each other, and love each other and serve each other keeping in mind that our spouse is a gift from our Creator and King.  Imperfect as each may be, we are to love and forgive as we are loved and forgiven by our Creator and King.  In doing so , that is part of how we glorify Him together.

Hiding in the brook after Mt. Carmel experience October 16, 2011

Hiding in the brook after Mt. Carmel experience

by Koen Hamilton on Thursday, May 19, 2011 at 9:10am

Two days ago I had such a great day.  God really gave me some things from His word, I was actually able to be thankful for this trial.  I felt so elated I told a friend it was as if I could feel Him carrying me through the day.  I was filled with hope and felt ready to tackle any obstacle that came my way.

 

Well the next day I awoke to a totally different feel.  My quiet time was distracted and I just felt discouraged.  As the day progressed the part of our situation that is visible to me, seemed to have worsen.  The fiery darts of satan seemed to be being thrown at a more intense rate.  Rather than assess what I was feeling and recognize that satan was trying to destroy the work God had done in me the day before, I gave in.  My spirit was willing but my flesh was weak.  The negative thoughts and doubts were a constant assault, and I was battle weary.  I gave up the rigorous fight and was weak and feeble in my attempts to battle.  I allowed what i was seeing along with my emotions take over, to the point that I ‘forgot’, ‘ignored’  the lessons God had given me the day before.

 

So why do I write about all this?  For a couple reasons.  For my benefit, like a journal so that i can look back and see how God worked through the journey.  One day i will unfortunately be able to use these lessons to comfort and encourage another who is going through it.  Being able to read my journals, especially my more private ones, helps me to not forget the intensity of the feelings, the hurt, the things felt and struggled with and how God got me through and how He was faithful through His word.  It may not seem it now, but i know one day, this will be a memory, the wounds wont be fresh, and the hurt will have faded away.

 

Also I write because we often hear people share about a tough time in their life, and they are sharing from the other side of it. So they summarize, and share lessons learned but the process of going through it is usually left out.  At least not shared in detail, and the things shared sound so simple, like follow these steps, do this and you will get through.  I want to remember and for people to know that it isnt easy.  It is an up and down battle.  It is a process that is a long, grueling, and painful one.  It also takes time to get to where you need to be andn then lots of work to stay there.  You dont always make it , you fall and He picks you up and you start fresh.  It takes practicing the things you know are true cause it is Gods word, but through faith you have to overcome fears, doubts, ….

 

That is where I found myself yesterday.  Tired, doubting, and ‘forgetting’ what He had so gloriously shown me the day before.  I wish i could say that I am a rock of a woman and I learn a lesson and from then on, I am on it.  The reality is Im not.  I am weak, I struggle.  I may know the truth, but there are times it is hard to live it out.  Never in my life has it been this hard!  But we wrestle with these things, clinging to God and His word and we come through them overcomers because He overcame for us.

 

So today I am in recovery mode.  I realized that satans attacks were more intensified because he was trying to destroy the work God had done, which was a great work!!!, the day before.  Rather than assessing what i was feeling and  recognize that satan had stepped up his game, I was weary and gave the thoughts a place. I didnt fight them with prayer or praise.  I lay wounded and allowed pain to swallow me up and fiery darts of satan to tear holes in me.

 

so this morning, as i read and prayed, begging God to speak to my heart and redeem what i had lost yesterday, He was yet again faithful.  I read Psalm 109 and i think the psalmist wrote what he thought i was feeling, and he was right on.

in vs 21-24 he spoke of God delivering him because His mercy is good, I am poor and needy, my heart is wounded within me, my flesh is feeble, …all that describes me.

then in vs 30 he says he will praise the Lord, greatly praise him with his mouth…..

 

God confirmed for me that  that was my error, not praising Him.  This psalmist felt the same as i did, and i am sure he was very tired, but he chose to praise.

 

as i have also been reading in 1 Peter and today i was on chp 5.  it spoke of how the devil walks about like a roaring lion seeking to devour.  that we are to be sober, viligant, and resist and be steadfast in the faith.  None of those things did i do yesterday. Rather like the song blessings says we doubt His goodness and love, and get mad at God and dont think the promises in His word is enough.  in vs 10 it says but may the God of all grace who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.

 

so the suffering is for a while.  I know that to God a while could be 40 yrs….but there is an end some day.  It is only while we are in it that it seems forever.  But there is a reward, and it is the work He is doing in me.  Do I want it? YES!  Do i want to have it without all this pain and suffering? YES YES    but that isnt the way its gonna happen.

 

so today i stand to confess I failed.  I could try to sugar coat things, cause certainly I would love to have others think so highly of me.  But I am more the type that likes to be real.  You can see my flaws, (they are apparent andi cant hide them)  it would be too much work to try to be something i am not anyway. Im a horrible liar. And the big thing for me is, that all my christian life i have sought to learn from others, and how they live it out, what they do when they struggle, and just simple life things like homemaking, schooling, prayer. ….just trying to learn and grow.  Learning from others who are older, wiser, more experienced adn whose life is a testimony of Gods grace and goodness….well that is wise.  but what i have found is that very few  people were ever willing to share , to be transparent, to go into those kinds of details.

I want for God to use where He has allowed me to be, not only to grow me and change me, but to help others as well.  It helps to know it is not all easy, and that those we put on pedestals (we shouldnt!)  but they are just human as we all are and no one has all the answers, and so much of our struggles are about seeking God for the answers.  They arent all black and white in His word, and we have to be led by Him.  The way He leads one person through a trial is not going to be the same way He leads another.  We are all at different places and all have different things He want to do in us and through us.

 

So again i confess i failed to hang on to the truth that God had given me.  I was weak and tempted to give up.  I was like Elijah after his moment on Mt. Carmel, he ran to the brook and hid from Jezebel.  But God is faithful and I am thankful to Him for His love, patience and wonderful friends He gives to walk with us through the valley.

 

Please continue to pray for my family.  You dont have to know specifics, God knows.  but prayers are greatly needed.

walking in faith

koen

Living in the Midst of Trial October 15, 2011

I just read my last note and realized how long it had been since i had written.  I call myself a ‘writer wanna be’.  I would love to be able to get paid to write.  The thing is I write from my heart, out of my experiences and the things God is teaching me and showing me.It is my hearts desire that God would be glorified by  my writing and use it to help others in their own struggles and trials, give encouragement, or help someone have a better understanding of God, a scripture, or how to live out the Christian life. Not because I have it all together, because I dont.  I am learning as I go, as I seek to live out God’s word.

So in a sense, because i write from those things, I havent been  inspired in a while, because I have been in my own trial and struggling with answers  to whys, how, and what nows.

For some time I have been wrestling with God about things, trying to figure out what  does He want to show and teach me.  There are times when answers arent black and white in scripture, and knowing the ‘hows’ in a situation,  is tough.  It is tough also when you know something is NOT God’s will but yet He allowed something to happen against His will   (but it wasnt really against His will or He wouldnt have allowed it,….you see what I mean?), so you seek to find what to stand on in His word, is there a promise to claim.  I know people have their own choices and the consequences affect others, especially those close to them, but it is still hard.  The part of living out your faith is hard too, when you know the truth in your head but your hurting and the pain is so great it  clouds your discernment, you are overcome by hurt, shock, emotion….you know you arent suppose to be, your being human, but it is hard to help the feelings brought on.  You dont conjure up the pain and feelings, they are there cause we are made as humans to feel.  So living by faith is  to  remind yourself of Who God is by meditating on His word, thinking of what He has done in the past for you, how He has shown Himself to you before, even though in the midst He seems so silent and you feel alone.  Living by faith is recognizing, this is how I feel but ‘this’ is what God says about >me, that issue, doing that,…..Living by faith is practicing what you know to be true even though you may feel differently.  Living by faith is believing the truth so you can dispel the lies, discern the lies, fight the lies by taking them captive with the truth of what God says. (2 Cor 104-:5)  And He does say something about any issue that could arise, there is nothing new under the sun. But sometimes some practicalities on how to live a truth out arent black and white in scripture.

I have said many times through this trial, I wish God would just send me a letter telling me what to do and how to handle this or that.  But reality is, for one, He has given us a letter (His Word) . But you know the kind of letter im talking about, specific detailed answers about the exact situation your in.  Well if He did that, we wouldnt have to live by faith, we wouldn’t fee/be desperate to seek Him..  So I am glad He doesnt really send that letter because I do want to grow closer to Him, learn some perseverance because I have to seek Him……

Living in the unknown is one of the hardest thing- unknown outcome, unknown length of time in this trial, unknown course of action, unknown consequences ….and when there is so much unknown, it leads us to fear.  I believe the unknown and fear are great tactics satan loves to use against us.  They paralyze us and make us useless when we give in to them.  They are very defeating.

But you know what, God gives us a word for that too! (lots but this is the one i focus on)

For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith. (1 John 5.4)

And what is our faith?  The next verse in 1 John says, see vs 5 Who is he who overcomes the world, but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.  Our faith is belief  in Christ, who He is, who His word tells us He is, who has shown us He is, ….and yes faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen..(Heb 11:1)  have we seen Jesus?  no  Do we hope for Him?  yes!!!

So we have victory, we overcome, when we trust and have faith in Jesus.  Faith in the gospel!

overcome is from a greek word that means ‘to conquer’, to have victory, to have superiority or conquering power.  We have superior conquering power through our faith in Christ.

I have heard people say faith in Jesus is a crutch, or just something that people tell each other or themselves because they need something, or dont know what else to say so they use these little cliches.. Jesus is NOT a cliche!   If you have experienced Him then you know he is real.  that is all i have to say.

Gee I know I sound like I am chasing rabbits……so what started this…..  well it was me reading to the kids.  I have been going through Joshua with them and tonight we read chp 23.  in vs 6-14….i will summarize the parts God jumped out at me.  Joshua was fixing to die, and he was giving the people last encouragement…..he said to be courageous to keep and do the law SO THAT they wouldnt turn to the right or left from God….to hold fast to the Lord,….in vs 10 that God empowers those that are His, God gives the strength to be victorious….for the people to be careful to do these things OR ELSE  they would have consequences…..vs 14 and you know in all your hearts and sould that NOT ONE THING HAS FAILED THE LORD YOUR GOD SPOKE CONCERNING YOU.  ALL HAVE COME TO PASS FOR YOU, NOT ONE WORD HAS FAILED.

The same is true for us- God does not fail us. EVER!!!!

So when an incredibly difficult trial comes, one that is clearly not His will (such as the break up of a marriage. we know that is NOT His will) so do we trust  Him, that He didnt fail to be our shield, refuge, deliverer,restorer …..?  Of course He didnt fail.  People fail.  People have choices…   Yes He allows trial, difficulty, (some of which are result of sinful choices whether yours or someone elses) sometime, and we may not understand it, but He doesnt fail.  He is, always is, will be working for the good, the better good of all involved.

I wrestled for a while with God on some of these issues.  I had to go back and ‘re-evaluate’ the basics of my faith.  That is a good thing sometime, (God tells us to examine ourselves to see if our faith is genuiine 2 Cor 13:5) to go back over the basics of our faith and where we are in it.  But I cant deny who God has been all these years in my life,all He has done for me, and His voice whispers to my heart and draws me. Nothing can separate me from the love of Christ- not the worst heart wrenching trail, most difficult circumstances, ….He does, He is and He will never leave or forsake His own and He will walk me through, day by day, by faith! and I will overcome through Him.

Often times in Psalms David was very discouraged, down and felt defeated, but he always CHOSE to trust the Lord, look to the Lord, praise the Lord, magnify the Lord

So let me encourage you, whatever trail you are facing-  Magnify the Lord, not your circumstances……dont wallow in pity, pain or confusion….take the steps to be joyful, strong, faithful, ….in Him, through Him but clinging, holding fast to Him,….keep in the Word,  and keep praying.  be determined and CHOSE the Lord