Message in the Sky October 16, 2011

by Koen Hamilton on Sunday, August 29, 2010 at 6:45pm

I have been mostly walking/jogging again, and thankfully my stress fracture seems to be fully healed!  I really enjoy my walks because 1)if Mike goes with me I get some time with him….uninterrupted .  or 2)I get some time to myself and I have uninterrupted time to think and meditate on things…although i really need to bring a notebook .  I listen to my music and sing, I try to be quiet cause I dont want to scare anyone. LOL   I often look up as I walk at the sky.  I have always loved the sky and clouds since i was little.  When Mike and I were first married and we would travel home each year, I would watch the clouds for much of the 9 hour drive.

 

Anyway, as I was walking I was looking at the sky.  Ya know, it is never the same.  It is amazing how God who never changes, makes so much that is never the same and so much variety.  One of the reasons I have loved the sky so much is it reminds me of Jesus.  Those clouds that are so bright, pure and majestic white, to me, are a miniscule glimpse of what Jesus will look like since in Revelation it says ‘his head and hair were white (Rev 1:14) and in Rev 22:5 it says that there will be no need for the sun because God will give us the Light.

 

As I am watching these beautiful white clouds, a fast moving dark cloud invaded and blocked the white cloud. This massive white cloud was completely hidden from my view in a matter of seconds by the dark cloud. There was a mixture of dark hues in that cloud.  The darkest section did not reveal any light through it.  There was a lighter gray area in one of the sections of cloud that allowed a hazy shadowed view of light but it wasnt shining through. BUT I knew that above that cloud was that gloriously bright white cloud because I had just seen it standing there.

 

In that moment, God reminded me how there are dark clouds in our life. Some of them come quickly and invade our life without warning, seemingly from out of nowhere.  Other dark clouds creep in and just as well there are some little dark clouds interspersed through our bright (good) days. Those clouds were dark, but the fact remained that there was a bright white cloud standing faithfully abouve that dark cloud.

God was reminding me that no matter how dark our days may be, how long they seem to last…the fact remains that Jesus reigns over all the dark times in our life.  Sometimes we can see Him as if through a blur (of emotion, grief, heartache and pain)but other times it is harder to see Him.  It is in those times we must lean more on our faith, that we know the One who faithfully reigns over us and all in our life, that He cannot be moved, He wont move. He has not forgotten us or forsaken us.  (Hebrews 13:5)

 

As I walked on, I looked up again.  And there, where it hadnt been before, the sun was  shining full force in the midst of the dark and white clouds.  Two things came to my mind as I tried to look up at that blinding light- 1) that God reigns in all of our days, good and bad.  We tend to seek Him harder in the difficult times and struggle more, and then in the good times we, if were honest, dont turn to Him and seek as we should each day, even for the little daily things.  and 2) I believe He put the thought in my head that those white clouds are pretty incredible, but those are just the tastes of heaven He gives us (the blessings, the good days, ..) and the full light of the sun, the blinding  light for me represented what is to come (Jesus).  He has not yet revealed Himself in full yet.  All the beauty and joy that we recieve now from Him is just a taste.

 

Look around you today and look for Him- in the little things and the big.  And if you are in a dark time, remember that there is the Big Cloud reigning above those dark ones.  The dark ones are moving on, they are temporary.  Some move faster than others but they are moving and the Light will come.

 

Be Blessed

Koen

Psalm 63 October 16, 2011

by Koen Hamilton on Friday, December 3, 2010 at 2:10pm

Psalm 63:2 I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory.

Psa 63:3 Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.

Psa 63:4 I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.

Psa 63:5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

Psa 63:6 On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night.

Psa 63:7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.

Psa 63:8 My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.

 

It is easy to claim that the love of God is better than life, but when things arent going quit like we would like, when things are difficult, trials come, ….are we satisfied by His love and knowing Him alone?

I will praise Him as long as I live is an unconditional determination, a setting of our will and mind to praise God and who He is in spite of our circumstances.  Is my soul satisfied and do i sing His praise even in the darkest times of my life?

As I lay to sleep, do I ponder His greatness and Sovereignty or do I dwell on the negative possibilities of my situation or whatever struggles i may be dealing with?  God is my help, HE is my refuge, and He has promised to never leave or forsake me.  I WILL cling to Him and He will uphold me.

 

God is our hope in every circumstance of life that we would not chose to be.  Whether that be just hectic chaotic days or tragic and devestating circumstances.  He doesnt change, He is God through it all.  He will walk us through.  We must focus on Him and His character.  We must fight all the temptations to think the worst, doubt, fear, …..with the knowledge that all is filtered through His loving hands and He will work good things out of it all.

 

Trust in Him

Husband and wife part 2 October 16, 2011

by Koen Hamilton on Tuesday, February 1, 2011 at 2:45pm

So the thing God has been showing me the last year is that I need to be completely satisfied in Him.  Sounds elementary- kinda, but not only is He convicting me of that but showing me how I am not being completely satisfied in Him.  So many things we KNOW are easier knowing than DOING.   So often we thing we are doing or living a certain way, but it takes God showing us we aren’t quit where we thought we were.  Humbled again!

 

So pondering on this whole thing about Adam being completely satisfied when it was he and God, and then God giving Adam the gift of Eve is what God used to bring me to this next ‘conclusion’.  I have not been completely satisfied in God because I have so often looked to Mike to meet many of my needs.  Naturally he cant meet all my needs, and often the needs he can meet he doesn’t or  disappoints because he isn’t perfect.  Only God can know all and perfectly meet all my needs.  Many of those He does meet through Mike, but I shouldnt be looking to Mike to meet them.  I shouldnt go to Mike for them, but first to my Father.

In the same way that Adam was satisfied in and with God, and accepted from God the gift of Eve and all she contributed; I need to look to God for all I need and be blessed when God meets those needs through Mike.

 

Expecting Mike to meet my needs in a certain way will only set me up for disappointment.  Looking to God when I have a need, even if i think mike can meet it, looking to God first and trusting Him with it, I wont be disappointed because I will see Him work through Mike to express His love for me.  Then I get double the blessing- God’s love and Mikes love both shown to me.

 

Ephesians 5 speaks of the role of the husband and wife, and their needs.  When each of us is living and loving as Christ- sacrificially, unconditionally, humbly and putting each other first (Phil2:3)  then our needs will be met in the most beautiful and satisfying way.

 

Sounds so simple, huh? lol  Mike and I are both learning new and better ways to communicate and understand our needs.  We have realized a weakness in this area.

 

Reah recently picked up a book at the book store, for children, adn the cover was so cute and pretty.  She said ‘ohh look at this pretty book’.  I told her it was a very pretty book but inside of it was things that werent good.  (it focused on being pretty, fashionable, …)

That was a reminder to me, how we can think because things are good that they dont need improving.  That is where Mike and I have found ourselves.  we use to even talk about how great our marriage was, but we also unaware of how the busyness of life was causing a distance in us.  Thankfully, by God’s grace He allowed us to realize this and work on improving and now we can recognize that, and work to prevent it from happening again.

 

So I guess to sum up the lesson God is teaching me is that I need to be COMPLETELY  satisfied in Him, not look to Mike, but look at Mike as the blessing he is.

Husband and Wife- created for each other October 16, 2011

by Koen Hamilton on Monday, January 31, 2011 at 8:33pm

Recently we were at a conference.  The speaker was talking about how we are created in God’s image and about marriage being God’s plan.  He was speaking about how Adam named the animals and how he must have noticed that there were two of the animals (and their differences) yet one of him.  He began to say how Adam must have been lonely when he realized this.  On this last point I have to disagree. (Not out of disrespect, I GREATLY appreciate the speaker and who he is to us……you know who you are)  But I really began to ponder that thought.  We dont really know what Adam noticed or thought, the Bible doesnt say.  I do know God created us with a brain and wisdom (remember we are created in His image and He is all wise)  So in all likelihood, I would think that Adam did notice.  But I dont thing Adam ever felt lonely.  I believe since God created Adam and his surroundings perfectly, and since Adam walked with God, and was in God’s presence- Adam had to be completely satisfied.  To be lonely, would imply something was lacking, and that his needs werent being met. This time in Adams life was before the fall, so all was perfect.

 

Now God did say before creating Eve that it was not good that man should be alone; but it doesnt say lonely.  The Hebrew word for this word alone means ‘alone, by itself, part, separation, only’.  In simple terms, it wasnt good for man to be by himself, the only one..

 

So why create Eve?  well one of the reasons, Gen 2:18  says to be a helper for Adam

vs 24 says so that they can be one (united through Christ, in Christ and for Christ!)

Gen 1:26, and vs 28 says to subdue the earth, and to be fruitful and multiply.

 

So in this pondering I saw God’s plan for us as wives to be our husbands helper.  What are we to help him with?  To sum it up- to fulfill our purpose in glorifying God, in reflecting His image.  There are multitude of ways that plays out in practicalities, but in essence it is made clear in Ephesians 5. (that is a whole nother note)

 

I also saw how God provides for our needs before we even know we need them.  Adam didnt know he had a need, but God knew that Adam wouldnt be able to do all God had for him alone.  As our speaker said, God gave Adam a gift in giving Eve. God is merciful and gracious, and He takes care of us.

 

God’s gifts are never gifts we want to give back. (sometimes we may feel like it   but in our best interest, that thought shouldnt last long)  All  His gifts always fit us perfectly- our needs, our wants, our personalities,…..sometimes to grow us, challenge us, walk with us, …..

The gift of husband and wife, while the persons may be sinful and imperfect, the gifts of each other from God are perfect.  We need to remember who gave us to each other, and love each other and serve each other keeping in mind that our spouse is a gift from our Creator and King.  Imperfect as each may be, we are to love and forgive as we are loved and forgiven by our Creator and King.  In doing so , that is part of how we glorify Him together.

Hiding in the brook after Mt. Carmel experience October 16, 2011

Hiding in the brook after Mt. Carmel experience

by Koen Hamilton on Thursday, May 19, 2011 at 9:10am

Two days ago I had such a great day.  God really gave me some things from His word, I was actually able to be thankful for this trial.  I felt so elated I told a friend it was as if I could feel Him carrying me through the day.  I was filled with hope and felt ready to tackle any obstacle that came my way.

 

Well the next day I awoke to a totally different feel.  My quiet time was distracted and I just felt discouraged.  As the day progressed the part of our situation that is visible to me, seemed to have worsen.  The fiery darts of satan seemed to be being thrown at a more intense rate.  Rather than assess what I was feeling and recognize that satan was trying to destroy the work God had done in me the day before, I gave in.  My spirit was willing but my flesh was weak.  The negative thoughts and doubts were a constant assault, and I was battle weary.  I gave up the rigorous fight and was weak and feeble in my attempts to battle.  I allowed what i was seeing along with my emotions take over, to the point that I ‘forgot’, ‘ignored’  the lessons God had given me the day before.

 

So why do I write about all this?  For a couple reasons.  For my benefit, like a journal so that i can look back and see how God worked through the journey.  One day i will unfortunately be able to use these lessons to comfort and encourage another who is going through it.  Being able to read my journals, especially my more private ones, helps me to not forget the intensity of the feelings, the hurt, the things felt and struggled with and how God got me through and how He was faithful through His word.  It may not seem it now, but i know one day, this will be a memory, the wounds wont be fresh, and the hurt will have faded away.

 

Also I write because we often hear people share about a tough time in their life, and they are sharing from the other side of it. So they summarize, and share lessons learned but the process of going through it is usually left out.  At least not shared in detail, and the things shared sound so simple, like follow these steps, do this and you will get through.  I want to remember and for people to know that it isnt easy.  It is an up and down battle.  It is a process that is a long, grueling, and painful one.  It also takes time to get to where you need to be andn then lots of work to stay there.  You dont always make it , you fall and He picks you up and you start fresh.  It takes practicing the things you know are true cause it is Gods word, but through faith you have to overcome fears, doubts, ….

 

That is where I found myself yesterday.  Tired, doubting, and ‘forgetting’ what He had so gloriously shown me the day before.  I wish i could say that I am a rock of a woman and I learn a lesson and from then on, I am on it.  The reality is Im not.  I am weak, I struggle.  I may know the truth, but there are times it is hard to live it out.  Never in my life has it been this hard!  But we wrestle with these things, clinging to God and His word and we come through them overcomers because He overcame for us.

 

So today I am in recovery mode.  I realized that satans attacks were more intensified because he was trying to destroy the work God had done, which was a great work!!!, the day before.  Rather than assessing what i was feeling and  recognize that satan had stepped up his game, I was weary and gave the thoughts a place. I didnt fight them with prayer or praise.  I lay wounded and allowed pain to swallow me up and fiery darts of satan to tear holes in me.

 

so this morning, as i read and prayed, begging God to speak to my heart and redeem what i had lost yesterday, He was yet again faithful.  I read Psalm 109 and i think the psalmist wrote what he thought i was feeling, and he was right on.

in vs 21-24 he spoke of God delivering him because His mercy is good, I am poor and needy, my heart is wounded within me, my flesh is feeble, …all that describes me.

then in vs 30 he says he will praise the Lord, greatly praise him with his mouth…..

 

God confirmed for me that  that was my error, not praising Him.  This psalmist felt the same as i did, and i am sure he was very tired, but he chose to praise.

 

as i have also been reading in 1 Peter and today i was on chp 5.  it spoke of how the devil walks about like a roaring lion seeking to devour.  that we are to be sober, viligant, and resist and be steadfast in the faith.  None of those things did i do yesterday. Rather like the song blessings says we doubt His goodness and love, and get mad at God and dont think the promises in His word is enough.  in vs 10 it says but may the God of all grace who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.

 

so the suffering is for a while.  I know that to God a while could be 40 yrs….but there is an end some day.  It is only while we are in it that it seems forever.  But there is a reward, and it is the work He is doing in me.  Do I want it? YES!  Do i want to have it without all this pain and suffering? YES YES    but that isnt the way its gonna happen.

 

so today i stand to confess I failed.  I could try to sugar coat things, cause certainly I would love to have others think so highly of me.  But I am more the type that likes to be real.  You can see my flaws, (they are apparent andi cant hide them)  it would be too much work to try to be something i am not anyway. Im a horrible liar. And the big thing for me is, that all my christian life i have sought to learn from others, and how they live it out, what they do when they struggle, and just simple life things like homemaking, schooling, prayer. ….just trying to learn and grow.  Learning from others who are older, wiser, more experienced adn whose life is a testimony of Gods grace and goodness….well that is wise.  but what i have found is that very few  people were ever willing to share , to be transparent, to go into those kinds of details.

I want for God to use where He has allowed me to be, not only to grow me and change me, but to help others as well.  It helps to know it is not all easy, and that those we put on pedestals (we shouldnt!)  but they are just human as we all are and no one has all the answers, and so much of our struggles are about seeking God for the answers.  They arent all black and white in His word, and we have to be led by Him.  The way He leads one person through a trial is not going to be the same way He leads another.  We are all at different places and all have different things He want to do in us and through us.

 

So again i confess i failed to hang on to the truth that God had given me.  I was weak and tempted to give up.  I was like Elijah after his moment on Mt. Carmel, he ran to the brook and hid from Jezebel.  But God is faithful and I am thankful to Him for His love, patience and wonderful friends He gives to walk with us through the valley.

 

Please continue to pray for my family.  You dont have to know specifics, God knows.  but prayers are greatly needed.

walking in faith

koen

Living in the Midst of Trial October 15, 2011

I just read my last note and realized how long it had been since i had written.  I call myself a ‘writer wanna be’.  I would love to be able to get paid to write.  The thing is I write from my heart, out of my experiences and the things God is teaching me and showing me.It is my hearts desire that God would be glorified by  my writing and use it to help others in their own struggles and trials, give encouragement, or help someone have a better understanding of God, a scripture, or how to live out the Christian life. Not because I have it all together, because I dont.  I am learning as I go, as I seek to live out God’s word.

So in a sense, because i write from those things, I havent been  inspired in a while, because I have been in my own trial and struggling with answers  to whys, how, and what nows.

For some time I have been wrestling with God about things, trying to figure out what  does He want to show and teach me.  There are times when answers arent black and white in scripture, and knowing the ‘hows’ in a situation,  is tough.  It is tough also when you know something is NOT God’s will but yet He allowed something to happen against His will   (but it wasnt really against His will or He wouldnt have allowed it,….you see what I mean?), so you seek to find what to stand on in His word, is there a promise to claim.  I know people have their own choices and the consequences affect others, especially those close to them, but it is still hard.  The part of living out your faith is hard too, when you know the truth in your head but your hurting and the pain is so great it  clouds your discernment, you are overcome by hurt, shock, emotion….you know you arent suppose to be, your being human, but it is hard to help the feelings brought on.  You dont conjure up the pain and feelings, they are there cause we are made as humans to feel.  So living by faith is  to  remind yourself of Who God is by meditating on His word, thinking of what He has done in the past for you, how He has shown Himself to you before, even though in the midst He seems so silent and you feel alone.  Living by faith is recognizing, this is how I feel but ‘this’ is what God says about >me, that issue, doing that,…..Living by faith is practicing what you know to be true even though you may feel differently.  Living by faith is believing the truth so you can dispel the lies, discern the lies, fight the lies by taking them captive with the truth of what God says. (2 Cor 104-:5)  And He does say something about any issue that could arise, there is nothing new under the sun. But sometimes some practicalities on how to live a truth out arent black and white in scripture.

I have said many times through this trial, I wish God would just send me a letter telling me what to do and how to handle this or that.  But reality is, for one, He has given us a letter (His Word) . But you know the kind of letter im talking about, specific detailed answers about the exact situation your in.  Well if He did that, we wouldnt have to live by faith, we wouldn’t fee/be desperate to seek Him..  So I am glad He doesnt really send that letter because I do want to grow closer to Him, learn some perseverance because I have to seek Him……

Living in the unknown is one of the hardest thing- unknown outcome, unknown length of time in this trial, unknown course of action, unknown consequences ….and when there is so much unknown, it leads us to fear.  I believe the unknown and fear are great tactics satan loves to use against us.  They paralyze us and make us useless when we give in to them.  They are very defeating.

But you know what, God gives us a word for that too! (lots but this is the one i focus on)

For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith. (1 John 5.4)

And what is our faith?  The next verse in 1 John says, see vs 5 Who is he who overcomes the world, but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.  Our faith is belief  in Christ, who He is, who His word tells us He is, who has shown us He is, ….and yes faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen..(Heb 11:1)  have we seen Jesus?  no  Do we hope for Him?  yes!!!

So we have victory, we overcome, when we trust and have faith in Jesus.  Faith in the gospel!

overcome is from a greek word that means ‘to conquer’, to have victory, to have superiority or conquering power.  We have superior conquering power through our faith in Christ.

I have heard people say faith in Jesus is a crutch, or just something that people tell each other or themselves because they need something, or dont know what else to say so they use these little cliches.. Jesus is NOT a cliche!   If you have experienced Him then you know he is real.  that is all i have to say.

Gee I know I sound like I am chasing rabbits……so what started this…..  well it was me reading to the kids.  I have been going through Joshua with them and tonight we read chp 23.  in vs 6-14….i will summarize the parts God jumped out at me.  Joshua was fixing to die, and he was giving the people last encouragement…..he said to be courageous to keep and do the law SO THAT they wouldnt turn to the right or left from God….to hold fast to the Lord,….in vs 10 that God empowers those that are His, God gives the strength to be victorious….for the people to be careful to do these things OR ELSE  they would have consequences…..vs 14 and you know in all your hearts and sould that NOT ONE THING HAS FAILED THE LORD YOUR GOD SPOKE CONCERNING YOU.  ALL HAVE COME TO PASS FOR YOU, NOT ONE WORD HAS FAILED.

The same is true for us- God does not fail us. EVER!!!!

So when an incredibly difficult trial comes, one that is clearly not His will (such as the break up of a marriage. we know that is NOT His will) so do we trust  Him, that He didnt fail to be our shield, refuge, deliverer,restorer …..?  Of course He didnt fail.  People fail.  People have choices…   Yes He allows trial, difficulty, (some of which are result of sinful choices whether yours or someone elses) sometime, and we may not understand it, but He doesnt fail.  He is, always is, will be working for the good, the better good of all involved.

I wrestled for a while with God on some of these issues.  I had to go back and ‘re-evaluate’ the basics of my faith.  That is a good thing sometime, (God tells us to examine ourselves to see if our faith is genuiine 2 Cor 13:5) to go back over the basics of our faith and where we are in it.  But I cant deny who God has been all these years in my life,all He has done for me, and His voice whispers to my heart and draws me. Nothing can separate me from the love of Christ- not the worst heart wrenching trail, most difficult circumstances, ….He does, He is and He will never leave or forsake His own and He will walk me through, day by day, by faith! and I will overcome through Him.

Often times in Psalms David was very discouraged, down and felt defeated, but he always CHOSE to trust the Lord, look to the Lord, praise the Lord, magnify the Lord

So let me encourage you, whatever trail you are facing-  Magnify the Lord, not your circumstances……dont wallow in pity, pain or confusion….take the steps to be joyful, strong, faithful, ….in Him, through Him but clinging, holding fast to Him,….keep in the Word,  and keep praying.  be determined and CHOSE the Lord

Nothing Fills Me LIke You January 27, 2011

Nothing fills me like You

By koen Hamilton  1-26-11

 

I have sought to fill by other means

The space in my heart that is reserved for You

And only been left disappointed and longing

Nothing fills me like You do

 

Why oh why cant I be satisfied

With all that You are, all that You give

Knowing it all in my head, flowing from my heart

Showing in the way I live

 

Nothing fills me like You do

No love is greater than Yours

Seeing all that I am

embracing me as Yours

And being all that I need

 

Lessons I have learned

Lessons I have to fall back on

That you never fail

You are always what I need and more

 

You have always proved faithful

Never failing me

Yet countless times I’ve let You down

Not turning to You to be

All I need

 

Nothing fills me like You do

No love is greater than Yours

Seeing all that I am

Embracing me as yours

And being all I need

 

 

 

God has blessed me with a life He has abundantly graced.  Trials, yes,  but not near what many go through.  While aware and grateful of this blessed life, I was unaware of how I wasn’t really living in desperate dependence on Him. I thought I was, and would have said I was.  Not until a deeply wounding trial in my life did I realize that I had been deceiving myself.  I realized how little I actually depended on my Father to be everything I needed in all things, at all times.  I was shown how weak I am.

 

In Deuteronomy 8:2-3 Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD.

God told the Israelites how He was letting them go through the wilderness so that He could humble them and reveal to them what was in their heart.  What was in their heart?  They weren’t satisfied with God alone, they kept turning to idols…. God met all their needs yet they weren’t satisfied with Him.  He said He had to cause them to hunger for Him and thirst for Him.  That is where I found myself.  This trial was more difficult than anything I have ever been through.  Actually Im still in it, not through it.  But I am learning as I go, things that I wasn’t turning to God for, trusting God in, and I am desperate to draw closer to Him.  These past several months, even in my desperation, I chose to wallow rather than worship.  I chose to give up and be depressed. I lost all motivation to do the things I needed to do.  That is not normally me, it was something I did not know how to handle which made things increasingly worse.It was easier to wallow and focus on my pain than to look up to Him and cry out to Him, reaching for Him through His truth;  thus revealing to me my lack.  It was like a vicious circle.  I can say that God never left me, He pursued me, and didn’t give up on me. Now He is restoring me and I am on board.  It is easy when things are going well to really believe we are living in dependence on the Lord.  Trials reveal where we really are.  While I do not like trial, difficulty, confrontation or the like, I am thankful for the lessons God is teaching me and even more so that He loves me enough to filter every trial through His loving hand, and not give me more than I can handle, and uphold me with His righteous right hand (Is. 41:10) when I think I cant go on any longer.  He is always all that I need, waiting for me to come to Him.

He wants to be that to us all, He is just waiting for us to turn to Him.

I encourage you, if you are going through a difficult trial right now, dont waste months like I have done, cry out to Him.  He is there….waiting to embrace You and carry you through.  You are not alone.

Overwhelming Trials December 20, 2010

I love nature.  There are so many analogies in nature to the spiritual life.  Nature too, as scripture says, testifies to God’s greatness.  Of all the places in nature, the beach is my favorite.  It is so beautiful, but the sounds of the ocean remind me of the power of God.  The inability to see the end of the horizon remind me of God’s never ending love for me.  The sea life is amazing, and I am particularly fond of dolphins.

A couple of years ago we took a day trip to the beach.  I was not in very deep, maybe waist high.  A huge wave came and knocked me off balance.  I remember being swept away by that wave.  I was under the water but had no bearing as to where I was.  It seemed I was being swirled around in all directions.  I was thinking if I could just find the bottom with my feet I could push up and out of the water.  The problem was I didnt know which way was up and my feet never felt the bottom to find sure footing.  It was very frightening.  It seemed like a long time but Im sure the reality was it was only seconds.  I just wanted to get out of that water and feel safe.

Recently I have been going through a very difficult trial.  Actually difficult would not be a close enough word, heart wrenching may be a bit better.  I wont go through details as I have learned not to talk about my struggles until I am past them, not in them.   This trial has shaken my very foundations and I have felt like I didnt know which way was up.  I have looked for sure footing and find none, when I do it seems it is only a short while before it vanishes.  I feel all I know, my emotions, my security, all has been swept away and swirled around and I was buried under pain, fear, doubts and all I wanted was to get out and feel safe.

In spite of my crying out to God to please fix it, make it go away….He has chosen for me to go through this trial.  I am trying to embrace it as what is best for my growth and good.  I vacillate between the trust and questions and fears.  It is an intense mental battle.  I was reading one day in Streams in the Desert. It is the entry on November 1 for those of you that have it.

The passage is Num 9:19 ‘when the cloud tarried….then the children of Israel….journeyed not.’

It spoke of how much the Israelite people wanted to move on and get to the promised land.  When God moved in the cloud the people would pack up and move.  Im sure they got excited as they began to move.  Being encamped in the wilderness for long probably wasnt the ideal circumstances for them.  As with anyone, I am sure they were ready to get settled in their new home.  But if God stayed in a place, they stayed.  This is the place God had them.  The wilderness- not the best location, there were many difficulties there, dangers, ….several times the people even complained and looked back saying ‘we should have stayed in Egypt”…..

It was a true test for them to obey and trust God.

That is where I have felt in this trial.  Stuck. Ready to get out and settle in a better place.  I have even looked back and thought why cant we go back to there?  But in reality I know that while I dont like where I am at, I know that this is where I need to be. I know that God is teaching my and growing me and it will be better.  To go back, would mean to go to a place that had its subtle cracks and would keep me from experiencing the fullness of all God had for me.

While Im in this place, learning, growing, and waiting on God- I have His assurance that while Im here -He still provides my needs, and He is still with me going through it, not to end it or take it away.

Just as He never left His people, and He daily gave them their manna, and all they needed.

Yes God works all things out for good.  Even those things that are painful, hurt, arent fun, we wish were different, ……The challenging thing is to embrace them as being filtered through His hand and pressing on while we are looking forward with hopefulness at all God will do in us and through us in this trial.  By embracing the trial, I mean accepting it and looking for what you can learn as you go through it, trusting God will all you experience and taking it all to Him….and the hard part is not fearing and doubting.

For those who have been followers of God for some time, you have past faithfulness of God to get your sure footing.  You have experienced His goodness, Sovereignty and faithfulness.  Sometimes we get comfortable when things are going good, and sometimes we tend to forget those past lessons.  It is hard when new challenges to our faith come, because it seems to take an extra measure of faith for the trial we are in. That is what stretching our faith is.  It is because each trial comes with new unknowns and we have to trust God for the outcome.  That is faith- believing it what we cant see.

For those who havent been followers of God for long, each trial is an opportunity for you to trust God and see Him work.  A new chance to lay it down at His feet and rest in His ability to work all things out.  Those things that deal with our heart and emotions seem to be more difficult cause we want to protect ourself.  The issues that involve other people and us are hard because we may trust God but we dont know if the other person will follow Him and do the right thing.  If it involves other people and not really us, then it is usually easier because we dont fear any harm to us or hurt.  Nevertheless, whatever issue we are struggling with is a time to bring it to God, to trust Him, to see HIm work and for our faith to grow.

What challenge do you need to bring to Him today?  I encourage you to bring it to the Lord.  Give it to Him, with all your fears adn doubts.  Everytime those fears and doubts pop us, regive it to the Lord.  Satan will continue to target those weak areas but if you want to win the battle through Christ and in Him, you have to keep turning it over to Him.  Make those fiery darts work for you not against you.  They work against us when we give in to them and dwell on the negative thoughts they encourage.  They work for us when the send us running into the arms of our Savior for refuge and strength.

What are you going to do with your struggles today?

Sincerely

PSALMM 73 August 18, 2010

This morning I read Psalm 73 and spent the day trying to turn my mind back to it when i was free to meditate on what it said. Something, I cant put in words caught my thoughts. Im trying to recapture them here.

Asaph wrote this Psalm venting about why the wicked (unbelievers) were flourishing and successful in life.

I thought about how I do that sometimes. I think about why people who could care less about God are successful and seem to have so much blessing in their life. Some who are so self-centered and selfish, and treat people so cruelly. some of those who are rich willing to spend enormous amounts on material things and never help the less unfortunate. Sometimes I wish, just once, could I not have to worry about staying in a budget while grocery shopping! It can be stressful.

In vs 1 Asaph says ‘Surely God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart.’

He starts off confidently stating God’s goodness. He does this because he knows it to be true yet he is doubting. His faith is weak.

in vs 2 he says ‘But as for me, my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold.” As he observed the seemingly prosperity of the wicked, is when he started thinking. Then he begin doubting.

Asaph’s faith was shaken momentarily. He lost his grounding.

Do you ever do that? You know something is true or to be a certain way, yet you find yourself doubting or doing the opposite of what you know you should? It happens subtly, which is why we always need to stay alert and guard our hearts. No one is above it no matter how spiritually mature.

In vs 13 he questions whether the life of faith he had been living was worth it by saying ‘Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure; in vain have I washed my hands in innocence. ‘ Satan sometimes tempts us with fleeting little thoughts this way. The christian life is the hardest life to live. If we are striving to live for Christ then we are constantly having to live selflessly, which goes totally against our nature. We moment by moment must die to our own desires, wants, ….in order to chose the way of Christ.

In essence he was questioning God, Gods sovereignty, goodness, Plan….

So what caused this time of questioning?

in vs 3 he says For I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

He was looking at the unbelievers and the appearance that they were successful, living it up, carefree….had wealth, health and happiness. The things our world seems to live for. His thought was along the lines of ‘why them and not me’? There may be times we look at people and think they seem so happy, carefree, stress free, problem free, worry free, …. We may be tempted to think they have it all. I know I wonder sometimes why people can live they way they do and ‘get away with it’ , seem to have no consequences. Even those who call themselves Christians yet dont live it. There are those who blatantly claim they dont need God.

(even though too often i have learned that one who may appear to have all the happiness in the world is really inside not happy at all)

I was reminded by reading this Psalm, 1 things arent always as they appear

2. When we use our worldly eyes we miss the big picture.

3. when we are seeing through spiritual eyes, we remember that there will come a day when everyone will be held accountable and answer to God.

4. We should be grieved by the sin we see

5. We are all tempted when, by our own evil desire, we are dragged away and enticed. James 1:14

It is what we do with that temptation. We must focus our thoughts on Him and things of Him (Phil 4:8)

The moment Asaph had the thought, rather than think in God’s perspective, he allowed himself to look at things through his natural sinful flesh. He dwelt on the thought which turned from just a thought to self pity. From there it turns to discontent and then he was envying. In my mind Asaph was at that point, he was tempted, and dwelt a little on it (cause he sinned by envying) look at vs 16 he says he was oppressed by the thoughts trying to understand it,

Is there something you are discontent about? Trace back and think about your thought process. At what point did you become discontent or filled with self pity. When we have right thinking, we will trust that God has us where we are- sometimes by consequences of our choices, sometimes for reason we dont know, but we can trust that God does.

There was a turning point for Asaph. He says he was oppressed by these thought till in vs 17 till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny.

It wasnt until Asaph went in the presence of God, He turned toward God, He worshipped- then He could put things in right perspective. Then he no longer envied. He realized there was nothing greater or more satisfying than having God, vs 25 ‘there is none upon the earth I desire besides You’

As vs 26 says ‘my flesh and my heart fail (and Asaphs did) BUT God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

We fail, but God is the strength of our hearts. He draws us back. He is all we need.

Vs 28- It is good for me to draw near to God! We need to always be drawing near to God so we dont wander elsewhere.

We can have right thoughts, prospective, and not lose our joy when we are focused on God. We must keep our eyes on Him.

Be blessed

Koen

Truly Beautiful June 9, 2010

IMAGINE: An elegantly wrapped box sitting on a simple table. The sight of it is pleasing at the same time alluring. It is so lovely is just makes you smile. A golden ribbon tied beautifully around it forms a grand bow on top. A scent coming from within reveals a slight cocoa aroma and makes you want more. (Ok, I must confess I am a chocoholic This box seems too extravagant to open, but nonetheless, I slowly open it. Disappointingly I find dried up chocolate. It is so old it has turned white. Some of it is crumbly. Just by the looks of it, one can tell it isnt even worth tasting. It obviously was a waste of time to wrap it. For a time one may have thought this to be an incredibly lavish gift of chocolate, but it was soon known that it was worthless. The outward appearance of the box was deceiving about the true contents

The verse Proverbs 31:30 has been on my mind. I am not sure why because I haven’t even been reading Proverbs. It just came to my mind, and I have been more keenly aware of the things around me and how this verse applies to today especially in our lives as women. The verse says

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

I always thought charm was suppose to be a good thing. Just as the beautiful box was very deceiving, this is the idea behind the word charm. In old times a compliment was often given by saying one was charming. I looked up what the word means in Hebrew. The word is ‘chen’ and it means ‘favor, grace, acceptance, elegance ‘. According to John McAuthor, Charm in the Hebrew means gracefulness of form, it talks about her shape. Beauty has to do with the face. ‘Grace’ was a commonly used word for beauty in Hebrew. The word grace was used this way in Proverbs 17:8 talking about precious stones that are pleasing to the eyes. It was also used to describe beauty of Joseph in Gen 39:6. Also used to describe Absalom in 2 Sam. 14:25, his grace or ‘charm’ hid his true motives. In the end it destroyed him.

I also looked up the meaning in Websters 1828 dictionary. Charm means ‘grace, beauty, whatever adorns and recommends to favor’.

In the regular dictionary today charm means the power or quality of pleasing, delightfulness, attractiveness, particular quality that attracts. Used as a verb it means to induce by using strong personal attractiveness, to be alluring, pleasing.

I now have a totally different understanding of the word charm. It has a negative connotation to it so I don’t hold it in the same high regard as I once did.

In today’s society, beauty is sought after, paid for, worshiped, lived for, exploited and idolized. Dont get me wrong, Ill be honest and say I do want to be beautiful. I would love to be considered stunningly beautiful! I think all females want to be beautiful. I also believe to some degree most women have some sort of insecurity about their appearance. No one wants to be considered ugly. I buy creams and use make up.

Beauty itself isnt wrong. Make up, cleaners, soaps aren’t wrong. What is potentially wrong is where our heart is and what our motives are. How much time do we give to thinking about being beautiful, how much time spent in front of the mirror, time seeking to be beautiful, money we spend to help enhance what we have? Do we attempt to use our beauty and form to entice, attract and or manipulate to get things we want. The answer to those questions will reveal where our heart is. When we are getting dressed to go out, are we thinking of pleasing someone specifically or are we simply doing our best to be presentable and caring for the bodies God gave us? We want to represent Him rightly.

The verse says that charm is deceitful. It is deceitful because a woman can outwardly seem appealing, pleasing, agreeable, genteel but actually be negative, harsh, disagreeable, mean, cruel, selfish person. Charm hides flaws…..but only for a time. Charm conceals but time reveals. (that is my quote

Beauty is vain because it is not lasting it fades. Our life’s history is written on our face. Age brings change. Circumstances can even change ones appearance. Bitterness and hatred can cause one to look older than their years. It is inevitable that a persons looks will change with age and in life- plastic surgery cant change that. It is vain to spend millions, and invest excessive amounts of time to fight what will naturally occur and seek after something that is truly of so little value. In the end it will mean nothing to us and do nothing for us. What is the point in spending so much time, money and thought on trying to get something or hold on to something that is inevitably going to change? How many other more important and lasting things can we and should we invest our time and money in?

Not to mention, that the ‘standards of beauty’ in each culture are different, and from generation to generation it changes. Do a study of the beauty trends throughout America’s history, it is quit surprising. (at one point big hips were desirable, big waist, small waist, ….)

The standards of beauty are even different from person to person. Some like red hair, some prefer black or brown or blonde. One may consider this person common and another may consider the same person the most beautiful creature they laid their eyes on. I use to think that blue eyes were the only color eyes that were attractive, then one day on a youth trip I was with several beautiful girls. We met a young guy and he singled out one of the girls to tell her she had the most beautiful brown eyes he had ever seen. I was kinda surprised but learned something that day.

I will say that I have known a few women that were not physically gorgeous but I considered them to be more beautiful than many of the physically beautiful women I knew. There was more to them and they had something I wanted, it was a gentle kindness within them that made them beautiful. We must learn to be content with how God made us physically. I always think of Leah, who wasnt as lovely as Rachael, (Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel was lovely in form, and beautiful. Gen 29:17 and in vs 30 it speaks of how Jacob loved Rachel more). When you look at their lives, God blessed Leah with having the lineage of Christ in her line. (oh that is a whole other lesson)

Beauty is not only temporary, even worse it is an idol in this world and it is a snare. Beauty is no indication of a persons moral, mental or spiritual qualities. The concept of beauty and the aspirations of beauty trap women in an endless bondage. So many women are effected negatively by the exploitation of beauty and the image the world portrays of what beauty is. There is an epidemic of discontented women in America. Woman who are snared by this will seek and invest to be outwardly beautiful, many are depressed, and chase the wind trying to find their worth in outward beauty when a persons true worth can only be found within. No woman will ever be happy or satisfied when she is spending all her time and energy trying to please others and be the picture perfect beauty that this world makes us feel we have to be. It makes me heartbroken that so many struggle with this.

Women have a desire to be cherished and adored, to be thought of as special. I find it no coincidence that beauty is such a snare. God made men visual, so naturally satan would find a way to corrupt and tempt men with beauty. Men fall for it as well, in the way so many use women. Many men leave their wives for a younger ‘better looking’ woman. There is no real depth to these men, no honor. Satan also uses this corrupted view of beauty in women because they seek to fulfill their need to be loved through beauty because that is the message being sent by men and the world. It is a corrupted message. Beauty is an empty vain solution. The real need for men and women is to know the Lord. To have a right view and standard in all areas but in relating to beauty as well. That right understanding will not come apart from the Lord. Women who know the Lord will have to share the truth with others (what im trying to do here), and fight the temptation to sometimes believe these shallow lies with the Truth we know.

Our hope should not be in our beauty (or products that promise beauty) or charm but in God alone. Part of putting our hope in God in the area of beauty is trusting that He has made us just the way we are- uniquely and for a purpose. (Think of Amy Carmichael, for years prayed God would change her brown eyes to blue. When in India, after many missionaries had been killed, she asked why she hadnt been killed. They answered cause she didnt have devil eyes. They had never seen blue eyes and thought they were from the devil)

In addition to that, it is selfish and prideful for a woman to pursue beauty in such a way. In doing so we are seeking to exalt ourselves and please others. As Christians that is not what we are called to do. We are called to glorify the Lord and be humble.

There is truly so much more value to being beautiful on the inside. So honestly yes, I would love to be beautiful but much more I want to have a beautiful heart. The world may look at the outward appearance but it is our heart that God looks at. It should be Him that we live to please and no one else. When we are loving, living, trusting and serving Him; He causes others to see a deeper beauty in us. One that we cannot manufacture, buy, or imitate. It is that inner beauty that comes from being His and just loving Him genuinely.

Inner beauty only grows and continues to unfold like a beautiful blossom. It endures through difficulties with grace as well as shines in good times. It is not superficial but refreshing to be around. True beauty is sincere, unselfish, generous and content. Inner beauty results and grows from the Most Beautiful One dwelling and abiding in a person. The beauty that He produces in us and allows others to see, isn’t something that we are even aware of. Most of us dont need to know when others consider us in this way because it would cause us to be proud.

Do you realize who you are, truly? You are a woman whom God took the time to create, shape and form into His very own image. God is the very essence of beauty. When Jesus becomes Lord in our lives, His beauty dwells within us and we become a reflection of all that He is. This is the kind of beauty that never fades; in fact, it improves with time if we let Him work His will in us.

The only answer is to fix our eyes on Jesus, fear only displeasing Him, seek to honor Him and dont listen to the lies this world feeds us. “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:2)

To end these thought, the end of that verse says ‘but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised’. Fear in this verse means to revere, to honor, to adore, to stand in awe of.

A woman who fears the Lord is not afraid of God but reveres Him so that she is afraid of disappointing Him. Her highest aim is to honor Him because she loves Him so much.

1 Peter 3:3-5 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.
- 1 Peter 1:3-5

How did they make themselves beautiful? By putting their hope in God!!! nothing else. It is a work of God but we must first put our faith in Him. Trust Him, Trust His design of us and His plan for us.

I found this quote and really liked the deeper meaning of it, so I thought I would share it.

When asked the secret of her beauty, a woman answered: I use truth for my lips, for my voice, prayer; for my eyes pity, for my hands charity, for my figure, uprightness, and for my heart love.

I like that. I pray that as I grow in the Lord, and He makes Himself known in and through me more and more, that I will be His hands, His feet, His words, His breath, His love, …….on this earth.

Yes that I would decrease and He would increase. That is what it is about, and what could be more beautiful than that?